Liu Tong wrote in the book "Whose Youth is Not Confused":
"Never place your hopes on others, whether it is in relationships or work, otherwise the only result will be caught off guard, and the sense of security can only be given by oneself."
Life is a solitary battle, and no one will be by your side forever.
When storms come, instead of waiting for others to protect you, it is better to be prepared and have your own umbrella.
The most reliable sense of security always comes from oneself.
Seeking a sense of security from others will inevitably lead to disappointment.
I heard a friend talk about something:
Lisa is an ordinary office worker who wanted to find a husband who could provide her with a worry-free life due to her poor family background.
Lisa's boyfriend earns a monthly income of over ten thousand, and their life is comfortable. He also promised to work hard to provide her with a better life in the future.
She was grateful to have found someone to rely on and even thought that she didn't earn much and it was better to rely on her boyfriend to support her. In the end, she quit her job and stayed at home.
As time went on, Lisa became more and more dependent on her boyfriend, both financially and in daily life.
She relied on her boyfriend to solve everything, even ordering takeout.
Over time, her boyfriend became more and more impatient, not only controlling her financially but also being harsh in his words.
As a result, they often argued.
During one argument, her boyfriend sternly said to Lisa, "You spend the money I give you, what right do you have to have an opinion?"
This finally made Lisa realize that no one can be responsible for her, and that people can only rely on themselves.
So, when did you realize that in life, you can only rely on yourself?
On this question, netizens on Zhihu gave various answers:
When parents fall ill and find that there is no one behind them;
When the people you can rely on are by your side but cannot be relied upon;
When you urgently need help but no one can help.
In life, we always try to find a sense of security in various ways.
Ultimately, it is just seeking from the outside world, neglecting the fact that true security never comes from others.
As a Zen master once said:
"The withering of a flower itself does not cause suffering, but the unrealistic desire for a flower to never wither causes suffering."
If a person always places their hopes on others, it means leaving disappointment for oneself.
Those who have experienced it understand that only oneself is the most reliable support.
The security that comes will only make you feel more insecure.
In "The Road Less Traveled," it says, "The only security in life comes from fully experiencing life's insecurity."
Relying on the sense of security obtained from others will only lead to losing the possibility of true security.
I once watched a documentary program.
The protagonist never had a job that could last long, either because he found the working hours too long or the salary too low.
His parents ran a breakfast shop, and he took advantage of the opportunity to work there, putting most of the shop's monthly income into his own pocket.
Several years later, his parents started having health problems and couldn't sustain the shop anymore. He, who relied on them, also lost his source of income.
Now, relatives and friends are extremely disappointed in him, and no one is willing to help him anymore. His wife, who has been married for many years, sees him as a burden and has asked for a divorce.
The sense of security he obtained from his parents was only temporary comfort, but he didn't realize it would lead to long-term difficulties.
Only after leaving the shelter did he realize that he had no skills and had already lost the ability to deal with life.
Emerson said, "If a man has not encountered difficulties and effectively overcome them, he has not learned how to live."
Ceramics are fragile because they are content with being decorations;
Steel needs to be tempered to withstand attacks.
Only by facing life's challenges alone and experiencing the blows of life can one develop a suit of armor.
Writer Cai Lan once shared a story in his book.
While drinking tea at a restaurant, Cai Lan saw a young man dressed as a clown at the entrance.
He used balloons in his hand to make various small animals and give them to children.
During their conversation, Cai Lan learned that this young man also worked as a mail carrier in an office building. Due to financial pressure, he wanted to earn more money.
Cai Lan asked, "Who taught you this skill?"
The young man replied, "No one taught me. I figured it out by myself with books. It's not that difficult. Even if I can't learn it right away, I'll keep learning, and eventually, I'll learn it."
Cai Lan asked him again, "How did the restaurant know that you can make balloon animals and invite you here?"
The young man explained, "I went to different places to perform and show people what I can do. I could always find opportunities."
During their conversation, Cai Lan also discovered that the young man's monthly income from his job and side gigs totaled over 10,000 yuan.
A person's sense of security always comes from the improvement of their own abilities, not from the protection of others.
The weak always expect redemption, while the strong are loyal to themselves and self-sufficient.
Only by giving up dependence can one return to oneself and gain true security.
An adult's sense of security can only come from oneself.
Wang Huiling, the author of "Grassroots Women," escaped to Shanghai to avoid her mother's arranged blind dates.
Being alone, she never received support and care from her parents, which made Wang Huiling understand that she could only rely on herself.
Later, she worked as a waitress in a Japanese restaurant and obtained a Level 1 Japanese language certificate to gain an advantage. She then switched jobs to a Japanese company.
She continuously learned new skills and cultivated herself.
Later on, because she liked photography, she learned photography and started a photography company.
At the age of 32, she started learning to draw and became an illustrator as a side job.
At the age of 38, she published her first book...
It was these days of self-reliance that gave her a greater sense of security.
In our lives, how many people rely on their parents as their only support but lose the ability to be self-reliant?
How many people hope to find a reliance through their youth and beauty but lose their confidence and options in marriage?
It is better to have your own umbrella than to rely on someone else's roof.
Here are some suggestions for obtaining a sense of security that may help you:
Find your own value
If a person lacks a sense of self-worth, it is difficult for them to have a sense of security and can only seek it externally.
In fact, finding your own value is not difficult. The key is whether you can find something you are willing to wholeheartedly invest in.
When you have such a passion, life becomes meaningful.
Do more of what you are good at, find your own sense of value from it, give life more support, and you will gain more security.
Develop money-making skills
The more money-making skills you have, the more independent you will be. The more skills you have to earn money, the more choices you will have.
When your own hands can support yourself and your arms can bear the expenses of life, you will naturally have a sense of security.
Enhance inner strength
Wang Xiaobo said, "If I can shine, I don't have to fear the darkness. If I am so wonderful myself, then all fears can dissipate."
A lack of spiritual richness will result in a barren and desolate inner world.
Only when your inner world becomes abundant and your spirit becomes fulfilled can you be at ease and no longer lack a sense of security.
Read more books, explore the world, and don't confine yourself to a small world.
I once saw this sentence online:
"Do not rely on anyone else for happiness, security, etc. All of these things must be possessed within oneself."
Things that are easily obtained will not last. A person who relies solely on others will never gain true security.
On the road of life, learn to be independent to have the confidence to face life; learn to take responsibility to have the right to more choices.
No matter how much others give, it is easy to become anxious. Only what you possess can bring comfort and peace of mind.
May you not be trapped by a sense of security and be free and independent in the rest of your life.